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Mostly for Jess but for everyone else too…

SERIOUSLY, WATCH PARENTHOOD. It will probably be renewed for a 6th season, but the 5th season finale was enough to end the whole series. Part of me hopes they don’t make another season just because the package as stands now, seasons 1-5, is so perfect. I never thought I’d like a show like this show, but when I binge watched the first 2 seasons a couple years ago on Netty, I was hooked.

The greatest strength of this show is its characters and their honest development through the seasons. And you fall in love with all of them. Every single episode will have you laughing and crying. And this is what all reviews of the show have said, which is why I’ve been hesitant to talk about what it is I looooove about it because it’s the same thing everyone else loves about it. I also see a lot of my family in the Bravermans, especially with my parents and Camille and Zeek.

I think this last season was especially poignant with the Julia/Joel story arc and the episode where someone pees in Max’s canteen while on a field trip… the scene with Kristina and Adam driving him home is the hardest I’ve ever cried at a TV show and probably a movie too. It was rough. Done by any other TV show, I would find all of the emotional points cheesy or wrought, but Parenthood just nails it right on the head and it hits you. It’s real. The show is incredible.

Lastly, AMAZING MUSIC. I can’t believe how good it is sometimes. You’ll be watching an episode, totally engulfed, then Andrew Bird starts playing and you’re like, “WTF IS THAT ANDREW FUCKING BIRD?”

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It’s hot here in Texas already. The summer has swallowed spring. I’m looking forward to it this year. The stifling, sticky heat. The air vibrates with the constant hum of air conditioners. Audible sighs of relief when entering buildings after crossing a parking lot desert where you made the very deliberate decision to park almost half a mile away under the only shady tree you could find. At least the steering wheel won’t blister your palms when you drive off.

It’s been a remarkably chilly winter here. I don’t mind thawing out. The heat is what drives most people indoors, but sweat is like the currency of hard work, and outdoors it’s easier to feel filthy rich. After, when I lay breathless and still on my back in an empty field, the sweat evaporates from my skin leaving little salt rocks tickling the back of my knees and the insides of my elbows. A cold shower after a hot day is like being born again. It’s fucking spiritual.

I have to stop fighting the things in me that feel natural. I have to stop doing this because it hinders my growth. I don’t have to be anything other than who I am, and I still struggle with this heavy idea. Like, I want myself to be one way, but I’m not that way. And that’s a-o-fucking kay. I’m standing in the way of my own happiness. I just need to be. Just need to work hard and be good to myself and to others and try new things and not be scared. I’m going to be more gentle and graceful. I’m going to let more people in. I’m going to be good. I’m going to be warm and kind and smile more.

Summer’s here.

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I know that life is a journey, and for most people, it’s a long, long, looooong journey. There will be bigger ups and downs than I’m facing currently, and that helps me to put my troubles into perspective, just knowing that I’m still at the beginning of something. 5 years ago I would have never guessed I’d be where I am today. And I hope 5 years from now I can say the same thing. I don’t want things to be easy. I don’t want to always get my way. I like to be challenged, and I’ve found that there is big wisdom in the adversity I overcome. I just want to grow and learn, and as long as I still have those capabilities, then I’m set. So yeah, currently I’m feeling disappointed in myself, but I’m fine. It wasn’t the one, but there are others.

I am comfortable with the ambiguity of this post in comparison to the specific nature of what inspired it.

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We’re sitting next to a table of deaf people and it’s awkwardly quiet and my dad is wearing his sunglasses because he dropped his optical pair in the gulf and I’m drunk and can’t take any of this seriously.

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Getting drunk tonight!! Halfway there!! Can’t wait to get weird in Galveston.

So happy! I hope you’re so happy too!! I love you guys!!!!!! Happy weekend!